did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
