Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
