She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
