but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
