U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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