conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
