Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
