is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
