I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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