im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
