New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
