wat bout pragnant strippers??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
