This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
