Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
