I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
