no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
