Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
