He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
