He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
