It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
