Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
