i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
