Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
