I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no, he came in my armpit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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