you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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