Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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