the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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