Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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