So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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