do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
