i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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