So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
