that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
