I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
