I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i drank out of a bidet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
