and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
