I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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