I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
