You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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