i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
