I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
