My first STD was from a foam party
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
