...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
