He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
