smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He has the fingertips of a God
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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