it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
