no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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