I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
