why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
