Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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