I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
