Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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