I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
