shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
