Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
