Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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