I wish you could order shots online.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
